I barely saw my hunk, and when we did find time to spend together, we found ourselves overly tired and bickering. It took a toll on our relationship that I never expected it to, and this weekend, it all came tumbling down on me. We have spent hours talking about things, and I think we will be ok. We still love and care about each other, and I think we will be able to make a change for the better.
One of the reasons that we have hit this road bump is because he became someone- really, the only one- that I go to with stress and problems. Granted, I am that person for him too, and we both are happy to be there for each other. But, he definitely has to handle more than I do. He is the only person I have ever really opened up to about my food issues, and I never realized how much that weighs on him. He also has an impossibly busy this quarter, and he was overwhelmed trying to ease my pain and his own.
I realized this weekend that one of the reasons that turn to him is because I handle my own stress so badly. I spread myself thin, and I want to follow through and succeed with everything. I put huge pressure on myself. In the past, when I was feeling overwhelmed and out of control, I turned to restricting my food in order to regain that sense of control and being grounded. Now that I have stopped doing that, I have been relying on William for that feeling.
But, I have to be able to do it for myself and make my own feelings of balance in a healthy way. This quarter- and the rest of this year for that matter- I really want to commit myself to doing what is healthy and right for me rather than worrying about being perfect in everyone else's eyes. I want to enjoy my senior year.
Today, I took one major step towards that and quit my second job working at the bar. I couldn't be happier with this decision. Now, my weekends will be free to spend doing things I love. I will have the time to spend with friends, study, play guitar and paint (things I haven't done in far too long), and catch up on sleep. I feel like I have let out a huge sigh of relief doing this. I can't wait to see how things in my life improve because of this move.
Here's to starting fresh this week! Cheers! ¡Salud!