I don't know what is with me right now. I feel like I am already failing at the goals I set just 24 hours ago. Since the beginning of September, I have gained about 7 pounds, and I am freaking out. I am trying so hard not to fall back into the patterns I had before, but what I want more than anything is to lose those pounds!
I haven't been able to be as disciplined as I used to be. The rational part of my brain knows that this is good. The "discipline" was unhealthy. But the rest of me wants nothing more than to be able to restrict in the way I used to.
I am so blessed to have parents that support my vegan lifestyle, and they make sure to stock the kitchen with lots of options. Too many options. Some that, although vegan, are downright crap. I can't control myself, and I don't have my college gym to go to to burn it off. I feel like I am digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole everyday.
I need some inspiration or something to snap me out of this. I hate the way I look and feel physically right now, but I am not taking the necessary steps to fix the problem. I am only making thinks worse for myself. What am I supposed to do now?
All I can do is tell myself that tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to make better choices for myself. Starting over, I make my winter break pledge. Here we go.
* I apologize for the freak-out/self-loathing pity party. My usual support of all my girlfriends are miles away, and I don't know where else to turn. Sometimes I have to rant to feel better, so that fell on my blog this time. Sorry *